Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokemon Parody
by Therese Delacoeur
Summary: My attempt at humor. Some drabbles I came up with while playing my Pokemon game.
1. Scene One: Decisions, Decisions

A/N: So I'm playing my Pokémon game—Diamond version, if you want to know, though I've owned (and beaten) at least one game in each generation, exempting the Pokemon Dungeon series that's come out—and I realize that there's a whole bunch of weird things in this series. So here's a collection of drabbles from any and all versions. It should be relatively clear which version it is, but if it's not, it probably doesn't matter all that much.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene One:**_

_**Decisions, Decisions…**_

"I don't know about this, Roger…." I eyed the tall grass dubiously. "This doesn't seem like a good idea."

My childhood rival rolled his eyes. "Aw, come on, Dawn!" He grabbed my wrist and yanked. I stumbled after him into the overgrowth, nervously staring at the foliage as if expecting for it to leap out and attack me. Actually, I was.

"See, there it is!" Roger pointed to the suitcase that the professor had left behind. He turned to me, smirking. "And you thought something bad would happen to us."

No sooner had the words left his mouth than a group of bird Pokémon suddenly swooped down on us, Tackling and Growling at us like crazy. The suitcase fell open as we stumbled back. Three Pokéballs spilled out of the case, rolling lazily at our feet as we slapped at the Pokémon in terror.

"Pick one!" Roger shrieked.

"What?!"

"Pick one!"

I turned from the heated battle to stare at the three little Pokéballs. Should I pick the one on the left? Or the right? The middle one was nice, too. But which one…?

"Hurry…!" he choked out.

"Just wait a second!" I snapped back, slapping at a Pokémon as it got too close. "I'm stuck with this Pokémon for the rest of this little adventure! I don't want a sucky one! If I pick the water type, it'll be great against the first gym, but it'll be worthless for the second and besides, there's tons of water types everywhere. If I pick the plant type, it'll be a solid pick for the first two gyms and it's super easy to raise, but it's so weak against everything it'll almost not be worth it. But if I pick the fire type, it's super weak against everything, too, but there's no other fire types in this place except Ponyta and you've gotta teach it fire moves to make it worth anything. Roger, which one do you think…?" I turned around to see Roger collapsed at the bottom of a tree with swirly circles for eyes, completely KOed from his fight with the Pokemon.

I gulped and grabbed a Pokéball. Screw it.


	2. Scene Two: Sizes

A/N: For those of us with Yellow version: read this and see if what I say is not true.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Two:**_

_**Sizes**_

"Um, Professor?"

He answered me without looking up from his computer screen. "Your Pikachu doesn't like staying in its Pokeball. You'll just have to walk around with it out, I'm afraid."

"That's not it." I measured my new Pokémon out with my hand one more time, unwilling to believe my eyes.

"Is my Pikachu supposed to be as tall as me?"


	3. Scene Three: Weight Limits

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Three:**_

_**Weight Limits**_

"Go, Pokeball!"

The Ultra Ball sailed through the air to land (for the twenty-second time) on the ballooning stomach of the huge, irate, and exhausted Snorlax. My Ivysaur panted and regained some health from its Leech Seed still sprouting and entangling the giant snoring Pokemon.

Snorlax disappeared in a giant flash of dissolving white light, leaving the vines from Ivysaur's Leech Seed in a heap on the ground to shrivel. The Pokeball twitched for a few seconds. I watched it with baited breath—if this ball didn't hold, then I was down to only three before I'd have to faint it and waste a good half an hour of battle time.

At last, it was still. With an excited squeal, I jumped down from the ledge where I'd been directing my party to pick up the Pokeball—

—which promptly dragged my entire body to the ground as if it weighed half a ton.

_Which_, I reflected ruefully as I watched it transport to the box system_, it probably did_.


	4. Scene Four: Healing Properties

A/N: Ever think about what would happen if you didn't have those handy-dandy free PokémonCenters?

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

Scene Four:

Healing Properties

"Nurse Joy! Nurse Joy!" I ran into the PokémonCenter, scattering patrons to and fro as I dashed to the front counter. I leaned against it, panting, as Nurse Joy came to the front desk with her characteristically sympathetic expression.

"Hello, and welcome to the PokémonCenter. We make your Pokémonfighting fit. May I see your Pokémon?"

I handed over my belt with a sigh. "I was just fighting the Gym Leader and my whole team fainted. Do you think you can have them healed for me? I've schedule another battle with the Leader in ten minutes."

Nurse Joy smiled blandly. "Hell no."

I stared. "No?"

"No." She sighed as I continued to stare and tapped her computer screen. She did several calculations while I watched in absolute confusion.

"It'll be $20,500 to heal the party."

"$20,500?!"

"Each."

"EACH?!"

"And that's for them being well by Friday. Would you like to learn about our payment plan?"


	5. Scene Five: Hey, Dumbbutts!

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Five:**_

_**Hey, Dumbbutts!**_

"Ha!" I cackled to myself as yet another member of Team Idiot was defeated by yours truly. They withdrew their Zubat from the fighting area with an injured air, though they didn't look anywhere near as bad as their Pokemon once my Jolteon was finished wiping the floor with it. I looked around expectantly for my next opponent, but all I saw were the bitter faces of the losers.

"Oh well." I shrugged, starting for the staircase. "Guess it's time to meet the boss, then."

My foot was on the stairs when I heard the yell, "Hey, dumbbutts! We don't need no stinkin' Pokémon! Get 'im!"

I smacked my forehead.

"Crap."

And I was immediately swathed in at least seven tight nets which allowed me no chance to summon any of my party.

I moaned quietly to myself as they carted me away by good ol' manpower: "When did they get so smart?!"


	6. 6A: Things to Consider While Battling

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Six A:**_

_**Things to Consider While Battling:**_

SIZE

"My Wurmple is amazing!" The Bug Catcher crowed triumphantly as it defeated my Mr. Mime with ease. "I prevented it from evolving, so it's at level 60 and nothing can possibly—"

I summoned my next Pokemon.

"—defeat…it…?"

Onix squashed it like a bug with something equivalent to a rock-snake sigh.


	7. 6B: Things to Consider While Battling

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Six B:**_

_**Things to Consider While Battling:**_

(also) SIZE

The miniscule Mew tossed the Tauros into another tree with a telekinetic twitch of its mind, destroying yet more of the pretty orchard that the Rancher had spent so much time cultivating.

It turned to face me, its baby pink face pleading.

"_Can we stop picking on them, now?"_


	8. 6C: Things to Consider While Battling

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Six C:**_

_**Things to Consider While Battling:**_

LOCATION

"Seel, use Surf!" I coughed, spitting some dust out of my teeth. Damn desert.

The Pokemon turned to look at me with an injured air.

"What?"


	9. 6D: Things to Consider While Battling

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Six D:**_

_**Things to Consider While Battling:**_

SPEED

"Go, Pachirisu!"

I smirked. I had this one in the bag. "Go, Onix!"

My Pokemon emerged from its Pokeball with a guttural roar, completely dwarfing its squirrel-like opponent.

But before I could so much as give Onix its first order, the Pachirisu was already gnawing away at its head with Crunch. We couldn't make one attack without the damn thing flitting around and Crunching us at least three times.

Finally, I got fed up with the idiocy. "Hey, what happened to taking turns?!"

My opponent gaped at me while his Pokemon Crunched mine yet again. "Why should I?"

Needless to say, there were a bunch of Crunch(es), that match…


	10. 6E: Things to Consider While Battling

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Six E:**_

_**Things to Consider While Battling:**_

POSITIONING

Finally, after an exhausting battle, my Charizard and I had that Dragonite right where we wanted it. Its back to me, I could see how much effort it was taking for that Dragonite to even flutter its wings.

With one fist raised, I shook it and screamed, "Now, Flamethrower!" Charizard roared and obeyed.

Unfortunately, I failed to see that while there was an immense dragon Pokémonbetween me and the attack, flames had a disturbing tendency to char things that were not intended to be charred.

Say, for instance, trainers.


	11. Scene Seven: Who Needs A Doctor, Anyway?

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Seven:**_

_**Who Needs a Doctor, Anyway?**_

Dawn leaned across my palm, wincing as she saw how raw my burn looked. Apparently, Professor Rowan's assistant had never seen me in the kitchen, or she would know that I'd had worse. She fluttered over my burn like a Mothim. "Oh, Adam! We need to get that checked right away!"

I brushed her off. "Don't worry about it." I reached into my pack and pulled out a Burn Heal.

"Those are for Pokemon!" Dawn yelped. "Not people!"

"Oh, come off it." As soon as I sprayed it across the burn, I felt it cool immediately. "See? All better."

Dawn stared at my hand, wide-eyed. "Um, Adam…?"

"What?" I snapped, truly annoyed with her. I looked down at my hand to see what the hell was going on and yelped. My skin was no longer hurting—but that was only because it was so cold, ice crystals were beginning to form.

"It's for Pokemon," Dawn repeated, smirking a little as I started to hop around the fire like a crazed Mankey. "Of course it's super-strength like that."

"Oh, just be quiet!" I reached into the bag for an Ice Heal.

"Here we go again…"

Several hours later, an extremely confused Nurse Joy was examining my hand while Dawn had to stuff her fist into her mouth to keep from laughing at the running commentary.

"…And this is so odd! It looks like a burn, but then you've got frost bite around the edges and—" she peered even closer at the much-abused wound "—and is that electrical burn?!"

I sighed.


	12. Scene Eight: Oh, God

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN POKEMON. These scenarios all come from my own warped, twisted, and strange mind. :D

Scenes of Stupidity: A Pokémon Parody

_**Scene Eight:**_

_**Oh, God**_

"I've come to get my Pokémon, Mr. Day Care Man."

"Ah! I'm so glad you're here!"

I raised one eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yes, well, we were raising your Pokémon, and my goodness, we were surprised!" He reached beneath the counter to pull out a huge, green-speckled oblong object. He set it gently on the counter, where it rocked slightly.

"Your Pokémonhad an egg!"

I looked out the window, where my Caterpie and Blastoise were sitting on a hill, watching the sunset together.

"I don't even want to know."


End file.
